Intro
As I browse through the soft toy posts, I’m horrified to see so many anonymous inquiries about whether it’s a mental illness for grown boys to like soft toys. People commented that it’s unmanly for boys to like stuffed animals.
“A man who is truly masculine embraces responsibility and loves, honours, protects and provides for his family and loved ones.”
The saying from Craig Wilkson always occurs to me when comes the masculinity problem.
We cannot escape the vital emotional part including love and sense of protection from masculinity, which makes me deeply aware that society’s stereotypes of men are a great threat to men’s mental health, and even social stability. Therefore, as a younger generation of women, I hope to help more males correctly understand masculinity from a female perspective, and try to help them gain emotional support from soft toys as a soothing tool, so as to get rid of their own stereotypes and prejudices against men.
Secondary Research
In social perspective, this project focuses on the psychological dilemma faced by many adult young men.
In the article Defining a man’s world after macho; Sterotypes harmful to men who may feel pressured to conform; unable to face modern challenges, Concordia sociology graduate student Cheryl MacDonald, who interviewed a number of major junior hockey players about what masculinity means to them, attempts to understand how these “masculine” behaviours are linked to the way in which young men are socialized, how they express their values.
“I find that hockey players are socialized to adhere to more traditional forms of masculinity, being very tough and competitive, and sometimes those practices become more problematic – men committing suicide, drugs and alcohol and those head shots”
(Nebenzahl, 2012)
In addition, Synnott, who has been teaching a course on the sociology of men for 10 years, wrote the 2009 book, Rethinking Men: Heroes, Victims and Villains, and currently writes a column on men for Psychology Today. He believes that the rallying cry of “male chauvinist pig” has ignored important realities that men face.
“Men dominate at the top and also the bottom,” he points out. “The vast majority in prisons, victims of accidents, victims of work fatalities, 99% of military fatalities – are all male…We need to figure out what it is about masculinity in our culture that is oppressive not just to women, but to men,”
(Synnott, 2009)
In human culture, the stereotype of men being aggressive, strong, and power-hungry has eroded the lives of generations of men, causing them to ignore the emotional side of human nature, which greatly threatens the growth of teenager boys as well as social stability.
“Boys are in crisis,” says psychologist William S. Pollack, author of Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons From the Myths of Boyhood. “We see it with violence, the recent school shootings, even drug abuse. These boys are cut off from their feelings. They have learned shame. To protect themselves against the shame, they learn what I call a mask of masculinity. If the mask stays in place too long, it hardens and the boys can no longer reach their feelings. So what happens is that some boys can’t cry tears. They cry bullets.”
(News and Thomas, 1998)
Therefore, how to awaken the emotional side of males, help them get rid of their stereotyped masculinity, and find an outlet to express their feelings has become an important issue of social value.
Background Research
Previously in April 2022, I’ve made an online anonymous questionnaire for young males age 15-20 to test their perceptions of masculinity. Questionnaire has been distributed to a male pre-college group spcializing for robots creating, and it has received 14 replies.
Questionnaire: https://forms.gle/GEFDonAaKiH3Vk6KA
The results show that about 50% of young males have at least one soft toy in there bedroom, and most of the soft toys are gifts from friends and family.
When they feel upset, about 50% prefer self digestion rather than find emotional support, and only around 7% males try to get emotional support from their soft toys.
When asking about their personal views on masculinity, around 40% still believe the external part like strong and powerful are essential. Surprisingly, I found that more than 80% insist that love and care as well as sense of responsibility are the core section for masculinity.
Experimental Research
Due to results above, I designed a two weeks experiment for those young men who already had a soft toy beside but have no connection with it, to test the capability for young males to build intimate relationship with their soft toys by following the list of suggestions I made to help them interact with soft toys. There are five participants in total, and each of them will receive a private interview with me after 2 weeks period to talk about their feelings and changes.
Suggestion list:
-Name your soft toy
-Put it where you can see it often
-Hug your softie when you feel bad
-Make connection between softie and people/pets related
Quotes from participants:
“When I was in elementary school, my parents once bought me a plush puppy dog, but my parents were working in other places, and I often felt a strong sense of loneliness when I lost my company, so I injected my feelings into this puppy. Later, when I grew up, I gradually didn’t need it. This experiment made me rediscover and embrace it. When I feel sad and lonely, I will talk to it, and I will feel at ease when I hold it in my arms, as if it has life. It stayed by my side, listened to my distress, and comforted me.”
“I have a bunny rabbit named Andy, which is also my name. It was a birthday present from my boyfriend. I used to just put it aside as a doll, but this time I tried to give it a bath and found it to be as cute as our baby. I enjoy spending time with it, it’s like my boyfriend is with me, like a family.”
“There is a teddy bear next to my pillow. When I hold it, my mind is full of childhood memories. The plush toys at that time were not well-made, but the value of the items was given by people. I know that they will be recycled after many years and no one cares about them, but I have poured my true feelings into this little teddy.”
Expert Feedback
As I checked psychological page for male mental health, I found the editor Crystal Reypole, whose work appears on Healthline, and she’s previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy.
“Men can obtain emotional support through religious or spiritual sources, community activities, or even your pets.…People show emotional support for others by offering genuine encouragement, reassurance, and compassion—These features strongly appear in soft toys.”
Quoted from Reypole
Conclusion
Through secondary research, I figure out “False” masculinity drives males and the society to be mentally unhealthy—Highly praising outer strength, but ignoring or even escaping the inner emotional needs. But through my experiment with soft toys, I am trying to pace step-by-step for males to fulfill their emotional needs, and understand how love and care helps in building masculinity.
I am surprised and grateful to find the intervention result acting positively. It was difficult to find participants at first, since most boys were shy when they were asked to join in the test about stuffed animals, thinking that’s girls favored. I ended up finding 5 guys who were willing to participate, as I suffered a fairly difficult persuasion process. But in afterward interviews, almost everyone managed to form an intimate bond with the soft toy. Both I and the participants are grateful for the opportunity to discover a lovely companion to enrich their lives, which is the most meaningful part in my project.
In future forward, I hope my project will affect more soft toy brands to target on males when designing and promoting their products. Since softies can be for everyone, not tagged as girls favor.